A Democratic Wishlist
in which I wax hysterical on my political party
Where do I begin to discuss the current Democratic Party, as we know it? I’ll start with my personal shit because…well…I can only speak for myself.
I’ve been voting against the conservatives since I turned 18. It’s that simple. So yes, I am a registered Democrat because when I registered to vote, you couldn’t vote in a primary if you were unaffiliated. That was in 1981.
I’m still a liberal. I have a soapbox, and I get on it at nearly every given opportunity. My heart bleeds copiously. I’m not ANTIFA scum only because there is no fucking organization called Antifa or they’d be fundraising, and let me tell you I get a lot of fundraising emails, texts, and reminders about how dire our current situation is. Not that I need the reminder.
What I do not need is more requests for fundraising donations. Let’s be clear here, my fellow Democrats: I give what I can for the causes and candidates I support. One more, “Oh, we must reach our goal of 80 trillion dollars before midnight,” is just another annoyance to delete, but I’m going to address it here and now.
Democratic Party, can you please stop and think about all the money you’re asking us for every single day? It’s overwhelming in sheer message. If we have it, we’re giving it. We’re trying to feed and protect our neighbors from the Gestapo (let’s not call it anything else), as well as take care of our own families on much less than we’d like to be making. Quit asking us for money all the time and get some people together to form a really solid damned platform to combat and counteract all the insanity we’re out here trying to cope with.
Newsom, Priztker, Buttigieg, Harris — everyone is posturing for another run at 2028, and I will support whomever the presumptive nominee is purely because they are NOT the current regime. You’ve got the vast majority of the country behind you right now. Capitalize on that. Get some of the great Democratic minds together like Sanders, AOC, Elizabeth Warren, and all of the truly progressive candidates you can. Get some tips and tricks from Mamdani. Make a think tank that flies in the face of The Heritage Foundation and plan your asses off. Go progressive, please. Really progressive. Because this is the best time to set yourselves as far apart from this clown car administration as you can. Quit begging for money, and do something that doesn’t include Schumer or any of the staid plodders who can’t see further than their next fundraiser while trying to appeal to the center. (Hint: there isn’t really any center. There’s this current shit and there’s literally anything else. Yes, that’s terribly reductive, but we don’t have a lot of bandwidth for subtlety these days.) Where is the Roosevelt Institute? Could they pull off a Project 2028 kind of thing our candidate can disavow while letting its goons take over every aspect of his policy? Can the Center for American Progress be the brazen Machiavelli to rival that icky weasel, Stephen Miller?
Whoever it is, they need to put together a solid platform to bring us Universal Healthcare, Basic Income, fair wages, better Social Security, racial justice reform and damned Department of Education, for fuck’s sake. Please plan to start taxing the everliving shit out of the Epstein Class to pay for it all. For the love of all that’s holy, do NOT sell us out to Zuckerberg. Let’s see some really far reaching plans. Inspire us!
Figure out your shadow government right now and begin illustrating a clear plan to combat the chaos every single time something happens. BE THE RESISTANCE we can organize around. We’re desperate for some strong, effective leadership to get behind. No, not Newsom, you dumbasses. He has a great marketing team, and his disruption is inspiring, but he’s no less a hack and a sellout for it. Personally, I love Buttigieg, but he’s looking too calm and establishment. I’d like to see him get really forceful on our behalf, and then I might be able to back the guy. Mark Kelly is intriguing, I’ll give him that. Maybe he could do this. We need someone with that fire in the belly, but we also need someone youngish. Someone who can engage the 25 to 30 year olds who are going to inherit this fucked up world.
While we’re at it, admit it: we’re still too foolish to vote for a woman as president. We’ve proven twice in ten years that we are a viscerally stupid people who think Hillary is tantamount to Bill and that Harris smiled too much while acting as an extension of Biden. American voters can’t stand an independent woman, or even think it’s a good thing to be independent. We’re somehow threatened by women. It seems most American males can’t stand a woman who doesn’t smile, but if she smiles too much, she must be too tough and predatory, or too nice, or just too much of a woman to be president because apparently we still require male genitalia in our presidential candidates. A vagina is still a dangerous thing, I guess. I digress…
So what have we got? Seriously? Show us something, Democrats. And fire Schumer, please. He’s embarrassing.